I Am Terrified

There are so many things I want to express but there is something that hinders me. I could be dramatic and say it is similar to a hand violently pushed against my mouth but really it is more like a finger pressed gently against my lips. I've lost my confidence. Maybe if I were threatened with silence I would feel the urge to not just express something but shout it loudly. Instead there is so much freedom that I fear speaking aloud and being made a fool of. All information seems instant. Any hesitation is seen as a lack of thought rather than the process of thinking before speaking. We find fulfillment in distraction until there are no more distractions to be had and then we blame too little or too much sleep for that uncomfortable feeling behind our eyes and the back of our necks. Take a moment and answer this. Are you comfortable inside your own head? In other words, could you handle sitting in the middle of a plain room for an hour alone with your thoughts? There is no music and no scenery, no books or television or computers, only you and a mirror inside your mind. Will you look into it or think around it? I always have something tapping against a door in my mind. I want to open it or even walk towards it but instead I stand there, paralyzed.